The heart of yours is love
Sometimes you have to die inside to touch what is necessary. Persist, and be ready to give yourself time to discover how laughing, believing in yourself, gratitude and appreciation for the very person and life given to you is the eternal flame living inside, giving you the courage to step towards your dreams.
Today, I will share insight on how not loving myself had terrified love far away from me. I am not talking about receiving love from another; I am talking about the bountiful love one can discover inside. Only over time does the lesson reveal itself.
The paintings, a union held, happened during my great and fortunate recovery from cancer. The narrative you see between a man and a woman describes how meeting happiness from him became the source which drove me to become. Having the gift God gave me to self-heal, allowing myself to drive the wheel of my life, I saw that the great magical light seen in him was there because of the way I projected my light on him, healing him, not myself. By the time I remembered, you never help togetherness when you see their light, not your own.
The first painting in this collection is titled ‘ That Heart of Yours is Love’. Here, you can see me on the far left when I was without hair, having chemotherapy. In the centre, the two united yes… however, she is deciding, only beginning to feel. Look at the armour on her shoulders, she realises she is a warrior, telling herself right now this union lifts her, but only temporarily. She questions this, notice her hand confidently on her waist, her shoulder leaning away, defiant, aware, becoming conscious. She is seeing that she gave her heart to him, reserving little for herself. She understands how she could truly love him if she loved him more than herself. So she knows, this is the beginning… she realises she doesn’t even know how to love herself. But she is going to learn.
So now I can explain the figure on the right. This character is the forgiving, nurturing, powerful, wise help I understood resided within myself. In spiritual teaching,s this is often referred to as one’s higher self. The way I see it is that there are not only kind words involved in your mind. There is the voice that says you’re not good enough as you are, and the voice that says you are totally fine, trust in your path. Your higher self delivers the latter. The aligned loving voice. What matters is total witness consciousness. Witnessing the minds self talk. Connecting to this source helps you observe that the choice is all yours. Choosing between the voice that is self sabotaging or the one that believes in you is emotional intelligence.
In time, it gets easier to choose to be your own confident, supportive superhero, your higher self, the person you came here to be. In this painting, she is learning to quickly discard the voice that wants to thrive on shame, guilt and old belief systems. I listened, I observed, through meditation, alone time, time in nature with my son and rescue dog, time in silence, that I had the power all by myself to choose the voice that leads to peace and self-empowerment. I knew, my instinct knew, it wasn’t going to be easy to choose the positive self if I was losing myself in seeking love and validation from him. My light and my energy had to come from me, I had to return into my frame, and I knew I had work to do work on myself.
